This week at church we started a series about Nehemiah called "Changing Your World in 52 Days." I think. It was something to that effect. A bit corny, I know, but a really good message. In a nutshell, the pastor was talking about fighting for a cause that you are passionate about. About seeing something that makes you so upset that you say to yourself, "Somebody has got to do something about this, it might as well be me." And trusting that though we are but ordinary men and women, God is big enough to make things happen through us.
So I started thinking about that. What it is that makes me upset. It upsets me that there are children that go hungry. That are never educated. That are never held by loving arms at night. It upsets me that just because I was born in a different country I am automatically granted opportunities that I take for granted and that those opportunities dwell only in the dreams of so many others. And it upsets me that it feels like there is nothing I can do about it. And then it started to upset me that I don't believe there is anything I can do about it. If God could use a cup bearer to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, why couldn't he use a girl from San Diego to feed a hungry child?
The other day I was talking to my Honduran friend who is an actor, socialist, and generally a bit extreme in any and all viewpoints. He also has a heart condition that weakens the muscles in his heart and makes it difficult to beat sometimes, at least that is what I gathered from his Spanish explanation. The same heart condition killed his cousin when she was only 15. A couple of years ago he was on medication for his asthma, anti-depressants, and medication for his heart. It was then that the doctors told him that he needed a heart operation. Rather than having the operation he says he decided to put his faith in God. So he didn't have the operation. And he stopped taking all his medications. Because God is good and God is healer and because if God wants him to live, he will. And if not, God will call him up to heaven. "Tengo fe." He said. I have faith. So I said, do you mean you don't think I have faith because I take medicine? To which he replied. "Tienes miedo. Yo no tengo." You are afraid. I am not. Not afraid of sickness, not afraid of death, not afraid of having complete faith in God. "So you think I should stop taking my insulin?" I asked. To which he replied: No, not without making your faith right with God first. Otherwise, you are just a sick person with no hope of healing.
Don't worry, Mom, I'm not going to stop taking my insulin, and I'm not convinced that he shouldn't have his operation, but that conversation got me thinking. Do I believe that God has the power to heal me? Do I truly believe that Jesus Christ is Savior? Do I have faith that He is all-powerful, almighty, Alpha and Omega? And if I don't believe that with my whole heart, then what's the point of it all? What is the point of going to church and singing "How Great is Our God" and lifting my hands in praise to a God that I place limitations on?
I want to be able to say boldly that I have complete faith in Him. I don't want to doubt or question. I want a fire lit in me that cannot be suffocated. And I want to believe that God can use me, and that he has a purpose for me. And if I only just allow Him to use me, that we can change the world. Because there are things in this world that deeply upset me.
There are evils that go unpunished.
And potential for good that goes undone.
And someone should do something about it.
And why shouldn't it be me?
So I started thinking about that. What it is that makes me upset. It upsets me that there are children that go hungry. That are never educated. That are never held by loving arms at night. It upsets me that just because I was born in a different country I am automatically granted opportunities that I take for granted and that those opportunities dwell only in the dreams of so many others. And it upsets me that it feels like there is nothing I can do about it. And then it started to upset me that I don't believe there is anything I can do about it. If God could use a cup bearer to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, why couldn't he use a girl from San Diego to feed a hungry child?
The other day I was talking to my Honduran friend who is an actor, socialist, and generally a bit extreme in any and all viewpoints. He also has a heart condition that weakens the muscles in his heart and makes it difficult to beat sometimes, at least that is what I gathered from his Spanish explanation. The same heart condition killed his cousin when she was only 15. A couple of years ago he was on medication for his asthma, anti-depressants, and medication for his heart. It was then that the doctors told him that he needed a heart operation. Rather than having the operation he says he decided to put his faith in God. So he didn't have the operation. And he stopped taking all his medications. Because God is good and God is healer and because if God wants him to live, he will. And if not, God will call him up to heaven. "Tengo fe." He said. I have faith. So I said, do you mean you don't think I have faith because I take medicine? To which he replied. "Tienes miedo. Yo no tengo." You are afraid. I am not. Not afraid of sickness, not afraid of death, not afraid of having complete faith in God. "So you think I should stop taking my insulin?" I asked. To which he replied: No, not without making your faith right with God first. Otherwise, you are just a sick person with no hope of healing.
Don't worry, Mom, I'm not going to stop taking my insulin, and I'm not convinced that he shouldn't have his operation, but that conversation got me thinking. Do I believe that God has the power to heal me? Do I truly believe that Jesus Christ is Savior? Do I have faith that He is all-powerful, almighty, Alpha and Omega? And if I don't believe that with my whole heart, then what's the point of it all? What is the point of going to church and singing "How Great is Our God" and lifting my hands in praise to a God that I place limitations on?
I want to be able to say boldly that I have complete faith in Him. I don't want to doubt or question. I want a fire lit in me that cannot be suffocated. And I want to believe that God can use me, and that he has a purpose for me. And if I only just allow Him to use me, that we can change the world. Because there are things in this world that deeply upset me.
There are evils that go unpunished.
And potential for good that goes undone.
And someone should do something about it.
And why shouldn't it be me?
This brought me to tears. I can hear your heart through your writing and it sounds like Jesus is capturing your heart... how beautiful. I love you dear friend. I am so excited for you in this season of life and I'm thankful that I get to journey with you from far away :)
ReplyDeleteLots of love from Tucson!
Hi TT,
ReplyDeleteI tried to post this already it doesn't look like it worked.
Anyway I wanted to just tell you how beautiful your blog is. How watching you grow in your faith is helping me grow in mine. How I just want to encourage you that I think the way you express yourself through writing is a gift to be shared. For now with Blogs, but for later I hope you are compiling your thoughts for that book we've talked about. Because I feel called to remind you that one of your gifts is your writing. And maybe that is how you are to do that something big in the world....to stop the evils from going unpunished- to keep the good from being undone.. To share what you see and what you feel with the rest of us. Like Donald Miller, Lauren Winner and Anne Lamont have done.
Sending lots of love from home
Tash